SHATTERED COOKWARE, SHATTERED DREAMS

It’s a cruel joke that nature plays on us. We get impeccably glorious, sparkling fall weather right after Labor Day. The moment the Jewish holidays roll around, whether it’s in mid-September or early October, Indian summer inevitably horns in on our autumn territory, reclaiming sole rights to the sun’s intense rays, and the mercury is back up to 92. At this time of the year, I am most often in the kitchen. The oven is at 375° at least, roasting, baking, broiling – brisket, noodle kugel, whatever – which is quite a shock to the system after spending a beastly hot summer avoiding culinary pursuits at all costs.

But somehow, it’s all worth it. The excitement of these holidays combined with the new school year brings about feelings of promise and opportunity, and renewed expectations that will surely be met this time…

The perfect dinner for nine was only minutes away. The Brussels Sprouts were roasted to perfection, the Yukon Gold potatoes in the oven were almost fork ready, and the marinated skirt steak, in a Pyrex pan, was charred enough on the outside (and pink enough inside) when I took it out of the broiler and set it on the range. I have no idea how, exactly, but the pan began to slide off the burner. Startled, I gave it a hasty little push back on. Then I heard the crack of a solid, clean break. As though sitting along perforated lines, the sides of the pan had simply broken off, while the flawlessly cooked, marinated skirt steak hung hopelessly limp over the pan's broken edge. The sprouts had been waiting on the counter nearby, and I couldn’t take a chance, so I dumped them. The hunger we were about to endure - the glass, the mess, our dinner, and the clock ticking Kol Nidre away. I sank along the doorway onto the kitchen floor, landing in defeat and resignation. This was to be the last glorious meal before sundown brought on Yom Kippur.

It wasn’t as though we wouldn’t be eating for a week. It was only to be a fast for 24 hours, about one-third of which would be spent sleeping, anyway. If one was planning on cheating with a cup of coffee in the morning to stave off the possibility of a headache, one might possibly feel OK about it.

The Chili con Carne I prepared and served three days earlier had become our pre-atonement dinner. Meanwhile, the Yukon Golds, still in the oven during the incident, had come out bronzed, tender and unscathed. And it was the potatoes, now out of sorts in the unlikely company of chili, cheddar cheese and sour cream (alone, the total opposite of Kosher!), which reminded me of what else these sacred holidays are all about: Pyrex in the broiler is not a good thing.

So in the spirit of all the domestic snafus we experience, whether we are self-taught, celebrity chef-inspired or Food Network-educated, keep on shopping, cooking and imagining your ultimate hosting scenarios to be the best possible experience for you and your guests, no matter what can go right - or wrong.